Ender's Game

Recently I've started reading novels again, and I borrowed this book called Ender's Game from a friend. Actually, more like she recommended it to me when I asked if there is any interesting book I could read. Anyways, so I started reading it and oh wow it's an awesome book that draws your interest immediately and makes you want to continue reading on.

This sci-fi book definitely has some interesting interstellar fantasy content, and considering that it's written back in the 1980s, you definitely have to give the author for such interesting imagination. Besides the fantasy content, though, I found the themes and motif of the story to be very insightful. For example, the struggle for power and the concept of the "game," in my opinion, serve very well as criticism to the power struggle in our lives, how people crave for power and control, and that whoever is in control usually manipulates situation to his/her favor. And the idea of the Battle School sort of reminds me of the idea of dystopia because to Ender, the school seems like it's where he belongs, yet he is unhappy because everyone was blindly being manipulated by the authorities.

Towards the end of the story, when they were finally going to fight the buggers, there was one thing that stood out to me. When Ender said, "so the whole war is because we can't talk to each other," he pointed out how the consequence of miscommunication/lack of communication can cause conflict between people. As we look at our society today, isn't it true that a lot of the conflicts are results of bad communication? If we are willing to empathize and communicate, there wouldn't be so much unnecessary fighting happening. But human beings are selfish I suppose, just like how the novel depicted, we always want to be the winner, and to become one often means you crush your enemy first. Sad but seems true in a lot of cases..

Well, I'm glad to have read this book because it not only contains awesome sci-fi elements, it also has many deeper meanings behind the different literary devices to be analyzed.

Wow, I can't believe I can say so much seemingly analytical comments on a novel I just decided to read for fun.. I guess IB English in high school has done some serious impact on my way of thinking.. HAHA

Thank you Ms. Wiebusch for programming my brain through IB English now that I can see so much more behind a book I intend to read just for fun..

Thank you Cathie Chan for recommending this awesome book to me so now my interest in reading books has been reignited again LOL.

Finding fun in a busy life

Now that college has a really free schedule compared to high school, it is often hard to motivate myself to study early and prepare for the exams that are far far away. The habit of procrastinating never went away since it has grown on me over the past 4 years of high school.. :P


Because of this bad habit of procrastinating, I often find myself busy cramming for exams a week before and when the exams come I usually don't do too well.. at least on the exams I've taken so far I didn't. Now I try to study with my study group every time the prof finishes teaching one lesson. Hopefully this way I'll be able to reduce the stress of workload before exams..


In a way I guess it's also because I load myself with a lot of activities like dancing, singing, and other random stuff. People might suggest that taking out those activities can reduce stress and give me more time to study. But I beg to differ. I NEED those stuff in my life to have fun. Yes I'll be busy and stressed but without those fun things to look forward to, college would be only about studying and that's one boring life I do NOT want to have. Sure, we should study hard and get good grades to prepare for our future. After all, in four years we will be heading out to the real world and probably join the workforce if we don't continue to grad school immediately. But I know that these opportunities to have fun are there for me to take.


I will try my best to balance fun and work, but I'll never give up either one because they are both equally important.


Are you a workaholic or someone who neglects work and only plays around?
I'm neither, but I kinda wish I could do both equally well.. :P

Everyone has a purpose

Today, Davy Liu came to speak at our church service. After listening to his testimony, I felt this long-gone but oh so familiar feeling of warmth in my heart. It was like the feeling I felt when I first attended Vida Nueva more than two years ago. God was speaking to me today.

(For more information about who Davy Liu is, visit his website: http://www.davyliu.com)


Ever since I got back to Taiwan and started college, I feel like my faith has been going quite unstable. It felt like I've been living everyday without a clear purpose really. Everyday was basically spent trying to get through classes, finish homework, play play play. And it feels like I'm just not as good as some people here because my grades aren't looking so pretty and it seems like everyone is so talented. It's as if I'm a cheap little glass bead. What happened to the passion I had back in high school?

I forgot.
In God's eyes, we are all special and valuable diamonds. Everyone has a purpose in life, even if we don't see it at the moment. God has gifted each one of us a unique gift. Why should we limit ourselves to fit in the standards of society? Bad grades doesn't mean you are useless, it just means perhaps getting good grades is not the gift that God gave you and wanted you to use for His glory. As long as we live our life to the fullest, we are honoring God.

I'm not saying I don't need to care about studying anymore, but so long as I know I've tried my best, no matter what grades I get, I won't be letting myself down, or letting God down. There must be something else God wants me to do to glorify Him, and what I need to do is to find that purpose by following Him.

God is good, all the time!
All the time, God is good!

Change

Today I went to the Saturday worship time at the church I've started going to.
I felt a feeling of guilt and regret after having some quiet time reflecting and praying.


...


Even though I didn't change completely after starting going to college, I never realized that I'm slowly becoming a different person and losing my identity.


What have I done to myself...?
I was drifting further and further away from God ever since I came back. Going to church did replenish my passion and desire for God, but somehow it was only short-term. But today I really felt something telling me to stop and just let God...


I've been trying to quickly adjust to a new type of life here, and without knowing, I started to lose my own identity to blend with the crowd. Sure, it could be a good thing to "blend in" but after some reflection I realized that all the stress and problems I felt for the past few weeks were all because I was trying to handle everything on my own, trying to change by pushing myself to be out there doing something I've never done in high school, all just because "college is a time for change" and nobody here really knows my past anyway.


BIG BIG MISTAKE. The more I try to change myself with my own power, the more I lose. I realized that God was with me the entire time, but I never let Him take control. Maybe it's time I start to let go and stop trying to change myself. That way I think I'll be able to see who I am again, and maybe life wouldn't feel so tough when God takes control instead of me trying to handle everything thinking I CAN change myself.


Change starts from within. Be willing to let God in and take the lead. Life around you will then change for the better. God always loves us and wants the best for us. Trust God.


I definitely need to work on telling myself to rely on God. It's hard but I won't give up. Giving up on that is like giving up on myself, so I'll keep on trying no matter what. God will be with us always.

Exams are Approaching

One week left before I have the first exam of the year!! Biology and Chemistry are certainly two very hard sciences to study for... let alone cramming 10+ chapters altogether... But the good thing is that for chemistry we will be fine as long as we do the practice problems in the textbook :] Biology on the other hand... :S Anyways, I'm sure I'll be able to handle it... I just need to make sure the lab reports and other homework don't get in the way when I need to study next week :P


Today was a tiring day having classes all day from morning till evening. But I think it was a pretty interesting and fulfilled day because I learned many things from my quick reflection.


1. My teacher for Chinese literature pronounces English words wayyyy better than all the science teachers I have so far. (and those science teachers are supposed to teach with English textbooks? -_-)


2. Chemistry teacher likes to tell lame jokes but we should still laugh at it.


3. Volleyball is one heck of a intense sport to watch.


4. Calculus is hard to understand when the teacher just throws a bunch of symbols and numbers on the board and leaves early because of his doctor's appointment. lol


5. Staying in the students' lounge for too long makes people become lazy and not wanting to leave.




What a great day!
Now I need to start focusing on some school stuff, although I still think procrastinating is more fun :P Sigh.. Let's hope I don't fail the exams next week...

A Beastly Win

It was the first round of the new student tournament for guys' volleyball today, and I was asked by some friends to bring my DSLR to take some pictures. Now I've got this nickname "paparazzi" because of my professional looking camera lol. Anyways, our opponent was the team from the department of business administration, and they seemed okay at first when they were warming up. They didn't seem to show any obvious weakness? Or at least for a person who doesn't play volleyball like me, I couldn't really tell..


However, when the game started, it was a shock to all of us who went to cheer for our team (life science department). We were owning them so badly it wasn't even funny.. I think they only scored like at most 5 points (?) in both halves.. Pretty sad if you ask me.. But oh well~ It's just a game~ And besides, it's probably because they didn't have enough people signing up to play so they had to grab anyone who had the slightest will to sign up :P Either that, or our team is just super good. But that's being a little too cocky so I won't say that.. lol.


The weather was super sunny and hot during the game.. It was a pain to both the players and all of us who went to cheer.. Good thing we won, so the heat was worth it? Maybe.. :P Hope we continue to advance in the rounds to come~






I WANT TO PLAY THE NEW STUDENT TOURNAMENT FOR TENNIS! But that's in November so there is still a long way to go~ :P

The Journey So Far

So it's been a while since the last update... yes I know I've been a bad blogger for being lazy... Anyways, now that college has started for two weeks now, I'm slowly adjusting to life in a school environment again. I'm glad that I went to the orientation camp before school started. Because of that I got to know a lot of people whom I wouldn't get to befriend with otherwise due to my slightly introvert personality. So far, the stress of school hasn't hit me as hard as I thought it would, but maybe it's just because there are no tests yet. I think I really need to start studying more though, otherwise I will be super stressed when tests actually come... But at the same time, I want to do so many other activities like sports and clubs... Tough choice... I guess that's the downside of having such a free learning environment in college... You have to decide everything for yourself, which is both good and bad in some way.




To sum up what I have learned so far in college...


1. At NTU, if you ride a bike, chances are that you crash into other people; if you don't ride a bike, chances are that someone else crashes into you.


2. Get to know the upperclassmen well, they can help you with a lot of school stuff.


3. The best way to quickly make friends is to get involved in social activities.


4. Don't believe the seemingly welcoming introduction of selective music groups (such as saying oh you don't have to be super good to get in) because they are SELECTIVE for a reason... They are trying to SOUND welcoming just so you might have some interest, and then once you try out you realize oh crap this is insane.


5. Patrols at the riverside park can be nice and ignore the fact that you are having a BBQ party in a restricted area so long as you clean up after yourselves.


6. Dance choreography is among some of the hardest things to memorize, maybe even more difficult than memorizing the textbook?!!




Okay, that's it for now. Hopefully I'll blog more regularly in the future. =)

Insomnia

Maybe I acted like it was okay
Maybe I acted like I didn't mind
But it was like a needle popping my bubble


Maybe I just can't act selfish
Maybe I just have to give in
But how I wish I could be the one in control sometimes


Maybe it is time to let go
Maybe it is time to move on
But how I wish I could hold on to it a little longer


Maybe there is still hope
Maybe there is still a chance
But this thing called distance has to stop it all


Maybe it was never real
Maybe it was all just a dream
But how I wish those dreams would someday come true


Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe
But all these things are just regrets and empty wishes

poem writing attempt (2010.08.21)

Felt like writing a poem today, so here it is.




Hiking up the mountain slowly,
I feel the breeze gently
touching my face - as gentle as your hand.


The trees and flowers swinging back and forth
in the wind as if they're dancing
to the sweet tune sung by the birds - as sweet as your voice.


The sun shines its warming light down
at the valley below
making its beauty radiate brightly - as bright as your smile.


The clouds, as white and soft as paper,
slowly move across the clear blue sky
like letters being sent to a distant land.


I want to write a message on them
so that maybe when they pass above you
you can see my shout-out - I miss you.




I don't know how I should title this yet though. It was just a sudden inspiration :P

Inception

Today I finally watched the movie Inception :] It's been out for a while now but I haven't seen it until today... Anyways, to say the least, it is another super awesome movie with very interesting theme and plot.

At first, it was quite confusing to understand what was going on because of the switching between the dream and reality. As the movie continues, though, it gets easier to understand the concept and how the dream sharing thing works. I think this is another good movie that provides an interesting insight into the human mind. People who are into psychology should definitely look into this movie. It talks about the subconscious mind and how the brain and dreaming works. It'd be really cool if this dream sharing thing actually works :P But at the same time it'd be also kinda scary to know that people can go into your dreams and interact with you :S Haha..

Well, the idea that our subconscious mind will affect our behavior is basically portrayed in this movie, and it is one good area to study in the field of psychology. I hope I didn't spoil the movie by saying all these but basically this movie has a quite complex idea about the mind, which means it may not be easy to understand. But if your head CAN handle the concept, then it would be an epic movie for sure.

I wonder whether I'm in reality or in a dream right now... It's kinda wet outside from the rain o.O HAHA

Shutter Island

Just watched Shutter Island today. For people who haven't watched it, it's basically a movie about this mental institution on an island somewhere off the Boston Harbor. Anyways, the story was quite twisted and confusing as the main character goes through all these delusions. I found this movie to be quite interesting because of its idea about the mentally ill or insane people.

When it talked about the transorbital lobotomy I was kinda grossed out. It sounded really twisted.. Anyways, at the end when the doctor revealed about the whole "role-playing" treatment thing I was surprised because the whole time as we watch the events through the main character's perspective it seemed like everyone on the island was off to no good. Basically, watching this movie from beginning till the end you would experience a lot of confusion. I guess it's reasonable considering that it's about a mental institution where patients have delusions anyway... But yeah, even though it's quite confusing it is still a great movie with very interesting storyline and a lot of twists to keep the audience interested.

It kinda introduced the idea about treating mental illnesses with care and not just drugs and force. The "role-playing" treatment probably won't work on every patient, but considering the case of the main character it actually seemed like a very good idea. This movie opened up my perspective on the idea of psychiatry. It's definitely not a simple field.. quite twisted in its own nature.. haha.

Makes me wonder, does creating a fantasy really helps forgetting or dealing with the traumatic past? Now that I think about it, the mechanism behind daydreaming is kinda like that, avoiding reality.. And daydreaming is definitely something we are familiar with. Perhaps it does help to fantasize sometimes to feel happier.. :P

Next Stage

Time to update the blog again~ It's been too long.. I guess I was being lazy and all ever since I started chilling in Korea.. XP

Yesterday was July 14th, my birthday. FINALLY I turned 18~ :D
Now I can do many many new things legally LOL If possible I plan to get a driver's license in the near future so I can actually ride moped or drive if I get a chance to :P
Mmm.. other plans.. well, I can do many things now but honestly speaking, there aren't actually that many things that came to mind besides getting a license. Well, now that I'm 18, technically I'm an adult now.. so I should start finding like a part-time job or something to earn some cash for myself and learn to provide for my own.

Sounds easy.. but I think I need some motivation to get started with that. I've been really lazy these days. I should really start planning ahead now that I've officially been accepted to National Taiwan University. Transition to school system in Taiwan might be a little challenging.. but somehow I don't find that motivating enough to get me started on preparing ahead of time... :S Oh well.. I still have like.. 2 months left..

I kinda wish school would start soon though.. THEN I would be forced to get my head in the game and start being productive again.. XP

Other than going on talking about what's on my mind right now, just want to quickly write  something about the Korea trip. The one month staying there was definitely a really great time for me to spend more time with friends before everyone goes off to college. All the great friendships I've made in the past few years I'm definitely going to treasure them. I know it's going to be hard keeping in touch with everyone but I'll try my best to stay connected with as many friends as I can. Years from now when we see each other again, hopefully we will all be successful :P

Hello Korea!

YEAHH I'm back in Seoul now! Feels good to be "home" :P Well, you just feel attached to a place when you've spent so much time living there and have so many good memories. Anyways, the weather here feels so much better than the humid weather in Taiwan right now. Some people don't like Korean weather but I think for me it's relatively good.

Now that I'm back in Korea it's time to put all the plans to work. Plans..? Wait, I haven't really made any LOL Oh well~ I'll just need to make sure I'm not wasting my one month stay here. One thing for sure though is that I have to make good use of my DSLR to take lots of photos to capture some memories. This is probably going to be the last time I'm going to be in Korea for this long.. at least for another few years.

SSOOOO~
Time to start planning and getting the fun started!!

Heading to Korea

It's May 29th, one day before my flight to Seoul :]

It's been such a long time (4 months) since I last saw all my friends there. Really excited to go back again and just enjoy some quality time with friends and all :D

Just finished packing 90% of the stuff.. the rest.. well, there are still things I need to buy and prepare so that'll have to wait till later. But that shouldn't take long so it's all good.

One month trip in Korea~ I gotta plan out some meaningful things to do. I think I'll go ahead and visit some places in Seoul that I haven't gone to for a long time or haven't gone to AT ALL during my 6 years living there before.. haha. And now that I got a DSLR camera I'm gonna take lots and lots of pictures while I'm there. Practice my photography skill and capture some good memorable moments too :P

Recently the news about North and South Korea tension has gotten a lot of people worried. I'm a little worried too but right now it doesn't seem like the war is really going to happen so soon... SO I guess I'll just try to be on the watch when I get there and.. get out ASAP if things start to go bad.. lol

ANYWAYS, D-1~ Woot! Korea here I come :D

My First DSLR

Yay I got the first DSLR camera of my life yesterday~ Canon EOS 500D~

It's so much better in terms of pixel quality and of course the manual functions compared to point-and-shoot digital cameras. Although digital cameras are more convenient and easy to carry around, I think I like the functions and freedom on the DSLR camera better :P

Well, yesterday when I bought the camera it didn't come with a memory card (not a good deal at the camera store) so I went to the electronics market area in Taipei to buy one. After some quick browsing I found a good quality memory card and as I had my camera with me, I inserted the card into the camera and started using my camera right away XP

Went around to a few places downtown and shot some photos in the park. I've read some basics about the manual functions you could play with on DSLRs and I experimented with shutter speed while taking pictures of sprinkling water. With digital cameras it's probably hard to see big differences as the adjustment of shutter speed is usually unavailable, or so little that it barely makes any difference (at least for the digital camera I used anyway..)

But DSLRs the range of adjustment is way bigger and allows the pictures to really show differences. For example, the sprinkling water would look "softer" when shot at a slower shutter speed while looking "sharper" and more "distinct" when shot at a faster shutter speed. Well, this is really basic stuff for DSLR users but for me this is quite new and exciting :P It's fun being able to adjust all these settings to take different styles of shots. Anyways, today was just a quick test to see how my camera works, and I think I'm getting the hang of the basics. Awesome.

Law of Attraction

After having read both the original The Secret and the new edition The Secret to Teen Power, I came to the conclusion that the difference is only that the new edition is written in a more casual tone towards young people. Even though the ideas are basically the same, it wasn't a waste of time reading the new one for me because it was helpful to understand the stuff in English too :P

A key concept in the book is the "law of attraction." Basically, the secret is that what our minds are set to will create this attraction to our surroundings, meaning that if we fill ourselves with positive thoughts, good things will more likely to happen. Whereas thinking negatively will often make things worse and make ourselves unhappy. The idea may sound a little abstract, but I think it has some good points. For example, when we are unhappy, it is usually because of the bad things that happened. But if we look at the situation in a different perspective and think more positively and focus on the good part, we can at least improve our mood if not changing the situation itself.

One thing the book stresses is that if we want something, we have to believe and think positively so we can send out this signal to the surroundings to attract what we want. In a way, I think it is very similar to a Bible verse from Mark 11:24 - "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." If we set our minds to something and believe that we can get it, eventually it will come to you. So I guess this idea of attracting what you want with your thought isn't really some abstract nonsense at all. Positive thoughts bring positive feelings, and negative thoughts bring negative feelings - it's as simple as that.

After reading the books I got the feeling that some people might think that the ideas are kind of bizarre. It's true that it might seem a little to good to be true when it says that we can get what we want simply by believing and thinking positively about it, but I think what the book really wants to teach us is that we need to always keep a positive attitude. By being positive, even if we don't get what we want, at least we can feel good.

If anyone is going to read either of these two books, I would suggest the original one, The Secret, over the newer teen version as the content sounds a little more.. mature? But of course the new one has its good part too. It's more colloquial and easier for teenagers to understand the concept and how it can be applied to their lives. So... if you like reading a book written in a chillaxed tone, go for The Secret to Teen Power. If you like reading a book with a more.. properly written style, go for the original one.

I only shared one key concept I think is important from the book. It's probably the best to really go through the whole book on your own to see more. It is worth reading.

The Secret

I just recently read the book The Secret by Rhonda Bryne. I am usually not a hardcore reader, but because my sister had to do a reading journal for school and she borrowed that book, I decided to check it out after she finished it. It turned out to be an awesome book. Although it was published a long while ago and has been popular since, I never actually had the chance to read it. The book focuses on inspiring people to be more positive with our thoughts. The so called "secret" to a great and content life is basically the positive energy we bring to the world through our thoughts. It actually has some detailed examples on how to approach it but because I read it in the Chinese translated version I would have to translate the content back again myself for writing a review on my blog...


I decided to search on the internet today trying to find a bookstore that sells the original English version. While searching, I found the newer edition that was published more recently called The Secret to Teen Power by Paul Harrington, and apparently it is written in the way that can communicate the idea of the "secret" to the younger generation better. I thought it'd be a good idea to read the more "accessible" version for teens and share about it afterward so I went ahead to the bookstore and bought it.


In the next few days I'll try to finish this new book and share some of the content on my blog. The Secret was a great book so I believe this newer teen version wouldn't be any less amazing. I would definitely recommend reading this book. It's good to share this "secret" to a happy life.


        

Between Now and Then

Gahhh I haven't touched this blog for too long. It's already end of April already... I failed again at keeping consistency... And OMG it's end of APRIL! One more month till I can fly over to Korea land and reunite with some of my dearest friends and have some fun :D


Being here in Taiwan for this long period of time has its perks and drawbacks.. One good thing is definitely having a lot of free time on my hands to do things I want to do, without having to worry about school work. But then at the same time, because there is no school work or a set schedule to follow, it has become hard to feel motivated to do anything at the same time. When I was still in school, I would often want it to be finished soon and go on a break. But now this extensive period of break has made me somewhat lazy and less motivated than before. Because I will be going to university in Taiwan there are some things I need to review and catch up. But to study on my own has been a little hard since there is no strict supervision - it's all up to me when I want to study and how much I want to study. I've been trying to hard to stay focus during the day to go through textbooks and stuff. I'm getting a little better at it.. So hopefully I can actually learn something and keep my brain from becoming useless for resting too much.


It feels a little strange to be away from friends physically for this long. It's hard to find and acquaint with people around my age at this time around here because everyone is still in school and most people would be cramming for the national exam so they can get into their dream school. So I guess you could say that it feels lonely sometimes. But then again, since I've been playing tennis and taking a dance class I still interact with people outside. So it's not like I'm becoming a total hermit or anything... :P And I'm sure once I find a good church to go to I'll be able to get to know more people.


Speaking of going to church... it actually hasn't been going smoothly as I've imagined. My family would sometimes have plans for Sundays so I would miss the chance to go to church. Despite the fact that I haven't been going to church regularly, I still keep a routine of doing devotionals every day to help me stay focused. I went to a church service on Easter Sunday morning in my neighborhood. The church is actually quite huge and supposedly quite famous. Although the message was good, but there was something that was just really different and I just couldn't feel the passion burning inside me like I have felt before from going to church services. I don't think it was the language difference.. in fact, I think it's just the atmosphere and the way the sermon was given. I felt like the sermon was basically read off of a script and really didn't have that much power to move me... I don't think this is the right attitude but that was just what I felt at the time... And so after that time, I decided to go on the internet and look for other churches that may have an environment that would suit me better. I finally found one in downtown Taipei, and they actually offer English worship service so I was quite excited. I don't know how it's going to turn out but I decided I will go check it out. It's a little far from my neighborhood, but heck, if it means being able to feel that passion again it doesn't matter how far it is I will still go. Hopefully nothing will suddenly come up this coming Sunday so I can actually go...


It's been quite relaxful these past few months not having to worry about school, and with all this free time I started to think about the future. How am I going to adjust to college? Language difference, curriculum difference, making new friends, etc. But I realized I shouldn't worry too much because God will open up a path for me. Change always seems a little scary at first because no one likes to step out of his or her comfort zone. But by dropping the worry and really just try to enjoy life as it is right now, I think it's easier to feel content and happy, at least it is for me anyway. To be honest, though, picturing and looking forward to the future do provide me with some motivation - like thinking about what I could do when I visit Korea in a month.. gets me quite excited :]

Arguing or Quarreling?

Time to write another entry again... I need to continue writing things in English otherwise my writing ability is going to become worse now that I'm not in school... sigh. Anyways, it's a little hard to think of things to write about when you are lacking inspirations... Well, after thinking for a while I decided today I'll write about arguing... It's something that can often happen between friends and between family members so I figured it's a good topic to talk about.


Arguing involves two sides presenting different beliefs or opinions and trying to convince each other. I think having arguments is not a bad thing as long as emotions are under control, but often we let emotions get in the way and we start getting angry as the arguments continue. "Argue" might not be a good word to describe the situation at that point; I think "quarrel" may be a better word for such situation where anger is involved. Why do we get mad when we talk about different beliefs or opinions? Time to look at my experience and try to come up with an answer...


For me, arguing usually happens between my parents and me and not so much between my friends and me. I actually don't know why that is but somehow there just seems to be more differences between my parents and me to argue about... Anyways, when I argue with my parents, I often fail to control my emotions, and the situation almost always turns into a quarrel instead of a calm discussion. My friends usually see me as easy-going and nice, but somehow I just can't be that way when I talk with my parents about certain issues. In the end we would be back to normal again, but the quarrel would often upset both sides for some duration of time.


I often ask myself afterwards, "why did that make me mad?" When emotions get in the way our judgment becomes blinded. When I argue with my parents, anger almost always can close my mind to different ideas and I would immediately become defensive, not willing to compromise with what they say. What causes this anger to come into the argument in the first place? I think in my case it's the selfish ego that makes me quick to defend myself. Whenever the topic concerns something about me, I would almost always jump straight to defending what I believe is the best for me or what I believe is "right." Although after the argument, or quarrel, I would calm down and see the reasoning behind the arguments and try to understand what my parents were trying to say, it is always hard for me to stay calm to begin with.


I think arguments between my parents and me turn into quarrels because I would often perceive myself as being oppressed in the discussion, and just like nobody wants to be wrong, I would get mad as I try to defend myself even knowing that their argument actually sounds more reasonable. So in the end, it's because of my selfishness and pride that causes me to get emotional and quarrel with them - I think that it's all about me and what I feel, and often refuse to empathize and try to see their perspective. This is a flaw I'm still trying to change. Somehow, I can control my emotions better when arguing with friends but not with my parents. I feel like as if I'm becoming a two-face, having two different standards. These days I've been getting better at controlling my temper when discussing things with my parents, but I would still get emotional sometimes...


With that said, I would say that if we want to prevent arguments from turning into intense quarrels that would upset both sides, we need to be willing to humble ourselves. For me, I get mad arguing because I don't want to sound like I'm giving in. If I just humble myself and be willing to admit that the other argument may be more reasonable than mine, then I probably wouldn't have gotten mad in the first place. By consciously staying calm and listen to the other argument thoroughly, I think we can easily prevent emotional quarrels. Of course, controlling anger can be hard for some people, but once we get better at it we will be able to reduce conflicts.


Arguing is a logical discussion, quarreling is arguing with anger, and anger is an upsetting feeling. Why make yourself upset? Humble yourself and listen to the other person, he/she may not be right but it doesn't hurt to listen to the end and calmly explains your view. It may be hard to control anger, but if we are conscious about it we can prevent a lot of conflicts from happening and maintain a healthy relationship.

Live in the Present

For the past few months I've been waiting anxiously for the colleges in the U.S. to release their admission decisions. Way back in November 2009, I was stressed and frustrated trying to come up with good ideas for application essays and all that. After all the hard work I was quite confident about them actually, but perhaps TOO confident thinking that I will at least get into one of the schools I applied to.Well, yesterday was when the last admission decisions came out, and, just like the other ones which came out earlier - rejection.


Now that I think about it, I think I overlooked the fact that applying for financial aid as international student can really put one at a disadvantage. I've always ignored that fact and thought too highly of myself thinking I was THAT good and worthy of getting the aid. Mistake. Pride has blinded me from seeing the reality. And because of that I've been living under this illusion thinking that I WILL get in no matter how intense they claim the competition is. In my mind, I was so sure I was going to go to college in the U.S. I never really cared much about what was happening around me, nor was I interested in planning to settle here in Taiwan as I was convinced I was going to go to the U.S. after this summer. When the final rejections came, I finally realized it wasn't going to happen.


Suddenly everything around me seemed different knowing that I'll be living here for another few years. I started to appreciate the things around me more. For the last two months since I came back from Korea, I had this mindset thinking that this will only be a temporary settlement before I go on to college. And so I never really put much thought into familiarizing myself again with this place. It's kind of funny to see how ridiculous that idea was. After all, Taiwan is where I'm from and where grew up as a kid, and yet I perceived it as a foreign land. I was too focused on the future and overlooked the present I'm living in. It's funny because I didn't focus on the future as in worrying about it, but more like believing it has already happened. And that unrealistic belief has prevented me from really living in the present.


People often say to look to the future. But I think it's more important to live in the present and make it meaningful. I remember this Bible scripture from Proverbs 3:5-6 saying
       
      "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."


And I think I was kind of wrong in applying it to my life. I did believe that everything will work out in the future, but I didn't let go of the selfish mindset - I thought that promising future meant I will go to colleges in the U.S., which was what I wanted. As I reexamined my heart, I realized by thinking that way I was actually NOT letting God take control because I've already set the future for myself instead of waiting to see what God really wants for me. From then on I came to the realization that I need to really live in the present and do what I should do to live a meaningful life NOW. Yes there will be a promising future but what it will look like we won't know until God shows it to us. So we have to make every day count, and live a meaningful life because every day is a blessing and gift.


Now that God has revealed to me (or rather, hinted me) what His plan for me might look like in the near future, I am going to start living in the present and make an effort to make it meaningful. Time to start really settling in. This is going to be my home for the next few years. This near future wasn't exactly what I planned for, but it's God's plan for me. So it's time for me to accept and follow this path. However disappointing it was getting rejections, it doesn't matter anymore because I know there is going to be a promising future, and this time I know better not to selfishly presume my future; God will take care of it, just follow.

Taking the First Step

So today out of random I sort of just decided to start making a blog of my own. I've been thinking a lot about myself as I reflect on my past experiences and my life right now, and writing blogs to share doesn't seem like a bad idea. I feel like it is the right thing to do to share with people the joy and things I've learned from experiences.


Some may wonder, who am I to talk about LIFE when I'm just a guy turning 18 in like.. 3 months? True, I haven't lived as long as some people have and probably don't have enough "real world" experiences yet. But I want to start sharing about my perspectives on life and also write about things that I find interesting in. Now that I will be turning 18 pretty soon, life is going to move on a new path with more possibilities. Writing blogs can help me organize my thoughts and help me reflect on my experiences, and it doesn't hurt sharing with people. So why not?


Hence, I've named my blog "Journey of PYJ: Living a life filled with fun, peace, and passion." I want to share about my experiences in life. The more I reflect on it the more I'll be able to share with people.


And this is my first step towards that goal.