Change

Today I went to the Saturday worship time at the church I've started going to.
I felt a feeling of guilt and regret after having some quiet time reflecting and praying.


...


Even though I didn't change completely after starting going to college, I never realized that I'm slowly becoming a different person and losing my identity.


What have I done to myself...?
I was drifting further and further away from God ever since I came back. Going to church did replenish my passion and desire for God, but somehow it was only short-term. But today I really felt something telling me to stop and just let God...


I've been trying to quickly adjust to a new type of life here, and without knowing, I started to lose my own identity to blend with the crowd. Sure, it could be a good thing to "blend in" but after some reflection I realized that all the stress and problems I felt for the past few weeks were all because I was trying to handle everything on my own, trying to change by pushing myself to be out there doing something I've never done in high school, all just because "college is a time for change" and nobody here really knows my past anyway.


BIG BIG MISTAKE. The more I try to change myself with my own power, the more I lose. I realized that God was with me the entire time, but I never let Him take control. Maybe it's time I start to let go and stop trying to change myself. That way I think I'll be able to see who I am again, and maybe life wouldn't feel so tough when God takes control instead of me trying to handle everything thinking I CAN change myself.


Change starts from within. Be willing to let God in and take the lead. Life around you will then change for the better. God always loves us and wants the best for us. Trust God.


I definitely need to work on telling myself to rely on God. It's hard but I won't give up. Giving up on that is like giving up on myself, so I'll keep on trying no matter what. God will be with us always.