Time to write another entry again... I need to continue writing things in English otherwise my writing ability is going to become worse now that I'm not in school... sigh. Anyways, it's a little hard to think of things to write about when you are lacking inspirations... Well, after thinking for a while I decided today I'll write about arguing... It's something that can often happen between friends and between family members so I figured it's a good topic to talk about.
Arguing involves two sides presenting different beliefs or opinions and trying to convince each other. I think having arguments is not a bad thing as long as emotions are under control, but often we let emotions get in the way and we start getting angry as the arguments continue. "Argue" might not be a good word to describe the situation at that point; I think "quarrel" may be a better word for such situation where anger is involved. Why do we get mad when we talk about different beliefs or opinions? Time to look at my experience and try to come up with an answer...
For me, arguing usually happens between my parents and me and not so much between my friends and me. I actually don't know why that is but somehow there just seems to be more differences between my parents and me to argue about... Anyways, when I argue with my parents, I often fail to control my emotions, and the situation almost always turns into a quarrel instead of a calm discussion. My friends usually see me as easy-going and nice, but somehow I just can't be that way when I talk with my parents about certain issues. In the end we would be back to normal again, but the quarrel would often upset both sides for some duration of time.
I often ask myself afterwards, "why did that make me mad?" When emotions get in the way our judgment becomes blinded. When I argue with my parents, anger almost always can close my mind to different ideas and I would immediately become defensive, not willing to compromise with what they say. What causes this anger to come into the argument in the first place? I think in my case it's the selfish ego that makes me quick to defend myself. Whenever the topic concerns something about me, I would almost always jump straight to defending what I believe is the best for me or what I believe is "right." Although after the argument, or quarrel, I would calm down and see the reasoning behind the arguments and try to understand what my parents were trying to say, it is always hard for me to stay calm to begin with.
I think arguments between my parents and me turn into quarrels because I would often perceive myself as being oppressed in the discussion, and just like nobody wants to be wrong, I would get mad as I try to defend myself even knowing that their argument actually sounds more reasonable. So in the end, it's because of my selfishness and pride that causes me to get emotional and quarrel with them - I think that it's all about me and what I feel, and often refuse to empathize and try to see their perspective. This is a flaw I'm still trying to change. Somehow, I can control my emotions better when arguing with friends but not with my parents. I feel like as if I'm becoming a two-face, having two different standards. These days I've been getting better at controlling my temper when discussing things with my parents, but I would still get emotional sometimes...
With that said, I would say that if we want to prevent arguments from turning into intense quarrels that would upset both sides, we need to be willing to humble ourselves. For me, I get mad arguing because I don't want to sound like I'm giving in. If I just humble myself and be willing to admit that the other argument may be more reasonable than mine, then I probably wouldn't have gotten mad in the first place. By consciously staying calm and listen to the other argument thoroughly, I think we can easily prevent emotional quarrels. Of course, controlling anger can be hard for some people, but once we get better at it we will be able to reduce conflicts.
Arguing is a logical discussion, quarreling is arguing with anger, and anger is an upsetting feeling. Why make yourself upset? Humble yourself and listen to the other person, he/she may not be right but it doesn't hurt to listen to the end and calmly explains your view. It may be hard to control anger, but if we are conscious about it we can prevent a lot of conflicts from happening and maintain a healthy relationship.
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