Change

Today I went to the Saturday worship time at the church I've started going to.
I felt a feeling of guilt and regret after having some quiet time reflecting and praying.


...


Even though I didn't change completely after starting going to college, I never realized that I'm slowly becoming a different person and losing my identity.


What have I done to myself...?
I was drifting further and further away from God ever since I came back. Going to church did replenish my passion and desire for God, but somehow it was only short-term. But today I really felt something telling me to stop and just let God...


I've been trying to quickly adjust to a new type of life here, and without knowing, I started to lose my own identity to blend with the crowd. Sure, it could be a good thing to "blend in" but after some reflection I realized that all the stress and problems I felt for the past few weeks were all because I was trying to handle everything on my own, trying to change by pushing myself to be out there doing something I've never done in high school, all just because "college is a time for change" and nobody here really knows my past anyway.


BIG BIG MISTAKE. The more I try to change myself with my own power, the more I lose. I realized that God was with me the entire time, but I never let Him take control. Maybe it's time I start to let go and stop trying to change myself. That way I think I'll be able to see who I am again, and maybe life wouldn't feel so tough when God takes control instead of me trying to handle everything thinking I CAN change myself.


Change starts from within. Be willing to let God in and take the lead. Life around you will then change for the better. God always loves us and wants the best for us. Trust God.


I definitely need to work on telling myself to rely on God. It's hard but I won't give up. Giving up on that is like giving up on myself, so I'll keep on trying no matter what. God will be with us always.

Exams are Approaching

One week left before I have the first exam of the year!! Biology and Chemistry are certainly two very hard sciences to study for... let alone cramming 10+ chapters altogether... But the good thing is that for chemistry we will be fine as long as we do the practice problems in the textbook :] Biology on the other hand... :S Anyways, I'm sure I'll be able to handle it... I just need to make sure the lab reports and other homework don't get in the way when I need to study next week :P


Today was a tiring day having classes all day from morning till evening. But I think it was a pretty interesting and fulfilled day because I learned many things from my quick reflection.


1. My teacher for Chinese literature pronounces English words wayyyy better than all the science teachers I have so far. (and those science teachers are supposed to teach with English textbooks? -_-)


2. Chemistry teacher likes to tell lame jokes but we should still laugh at it.


3. Volleyball is one heck of a intense sport to watch.


4. Calculus is hard to understand when the teacher just throws a bunch of symbols and numbers on the board and leaves early because of his doctor's appointment. lol


5. Staying in the students' lounge for too long makes people become lazy and not wanting to leave.




What a great day!
Now I need to start focusing on some school stuff, although I still think procrastinating is more fun :P Sigh.. Let's hope I don't fail the exams next week...